college

 

A view of American River College from the Library's Patio

I survived the first week of class and now I’m starting my second.  I vacillate between feeling excited and overwhelmed.  I think I can do this, but it’s all so new.  Everything I forgot about school is now coming back to me.  Why didn’t I finish?  Why did I find it so easy to drop out?  Was it the work?  Was it the time in my life?  What was it?

Today, I remembered. 

As I walked the halls of the school, I felt lonely.  The feeling was a familiar one – I felt it a lot when I first attended college.  For me, there aren’t a lot of reasons to connect with fellow students other than to join clubs or study groups (no, thanks).  I walk from class to class purposefully, not meandering in common areas – there is no reason to. 

I have four classes:  American History (honors); Political Science (honors); Composition (ENGWR 300) and Early American Literature.  The first three are on Tuesdays and Thursdays – and I have a long break after Poly-Sci.  Today I ate lunch in my car, and then walked to the library to study. 

I remember loving the library; I still do. 

When all of my comfort zones are stripped away me, I find comfort in books.  They are predictable joy, always delivering something perfect: a song, a story, knowledge.    I went outside to take a couple of calls (one from my friend, one from my sister).  There,  on the roof patio, I saw a lot of young kids studying and talking.  I never had that in my first college experience; I don’t know if it’s necessary for me.

In my life away from school, I have Mario – my love and my best friend.  I have great relationships with my kids and my family.  I have tons of friends who are awesome.  On campus, I’m a girl on a mission.

And I have God.  Today I remembered.  That’s what was different  before.