today

Some days are easier than others. Some days are beautiful and wonderful and nothing hurts. There are friends who love you and make you feel affirmed just by being alive. There's laughter that requires a bathroom and an inhaler; warnings to people to stop. You feel completely connected to a person who is energy giving and wonderful. Today is one of those days.

Some days are harder than others. There is rain, discontent about a variety of things that ache and hurt and don't fit. You feel overwhelmed by failure and separation from humankind; your significant other doesn't understand you or doesn't seem to try to. Everything you attempt seems to suck the life out of you. Today is one of those days.

The laughter and tears are usually not intermingled as much as this day: the day that has been so full and still so strange. At the end I should be able to say "See how alive I am!! How much I am capable of feeling!!" Instead, emotions have taken me on a roller coaster ride that upset my stomach and left me in no mood for anything else.

I have been loved and affirmed; laughed and cried; had words of encouragement and been the object of cruel disdain. I have eaten and feasted; grown sick and nauseous; been connected and stroked; felt separated and ashamed. One day of too much stuff in contrast is enough to drive you mad, wondering if you're making too much out of a dumb day like every other day.

Tomorrow is newness and another chance. Promise of renewal. Relationships could possibly be mended. Blessings to you all...and I'll see you tomorrow.