preparation

The memory of 2000 is quite clear. I was just about to begin working full-time for the first time in ten years; the world had experienced a threat from hell; the Alaskan pipeline was sending up a white flag; we were stock piling water in large tubs...and I was wondering if we shouldn't get our rack-loading shotgun out of storage. The name that the world gave it was Y-2K...or year two thousand. It was supposed to be the unknown entity that would ruin us all...If we were unprepared.

Because of old-age computers, it was supposed to send the world into a frenzy, causing card readers to not understand our user information; computers that dominated world trade would seize and desist the international markets; major companies and information banks would completely go belly up and squeal shamelessly before completely dying. It had thinking, educated people on the brink of panic.

The only thing that shielded us from panic was preparation.

Because we knew the world to be a sane place after initial panic, all we had to do was build up enough "panic supply" for a couple of weeks. At the most a month. Stockpiling every canned good and water filled thing, we and our friends had garages stuffed to the gills of supplies that betrayed our preparation. It was wise. It was good. In the end, it was completely unneccessary.

When the Y2K didn't erupt in world trauma we all relaxed, and we ate our canned goods, and nothing was wasted. It was a wonderful by-product of preparation. We were happy we were prepared and happy that we didn't need to be.

Preparation is a good thing in moderation. When it all comes down to it, you can't prepare for everything.

Tonight we finished a preparation course with a young professional, cute couple that is going to married in June. They are so sweet...so cute.... I remember being that sweet and cute. I remember looking at Mario knowing he was my validation in this world, and still knowing that my marriage to him was my validation for years of not feeling worthy or likely to find a decent husband.

The couple we met with are perfect for each other and soon will tie the knot after not only years of compatability, but also a course designed to get them to think of every unseen circumstance, like the threat of Y2K. Our friends completed the course with an unlikely wisdom, usually found in sixty year olds. They realize that communicating with each other is tantamount to a successful marriage and still realize that they can't see everything coming at them.

I still see our own beginning. It was romantic and beautiful...clouded with children and child support and shared custody. It showed nothing of the years to come of addiction, sickness, death and lonliness inside of a covenant meant to protect you from all of these. My goodness, how unprepared we were!

Twenty three years later (and for most of you twenty three years is a long time) I see my husband as a Clysdale horse, slowly, methodically trudging through the muck of life and pulling me behind him. I can only be grateful that he decided to stay. I am grateful he still loves me, and I love him. For a love to last this long it can only come with an incredible respect and love that comes from God. I don't have it in me without God; he doesn't have it in him without God. I can only purr now and say I am grateful for what I don't deserve.

Preparation or not, we have endured. After our session tonight we said that we would see them both at the rehearsal dinner. We raised a glass to our young friends and wished the same future for them. The future that is marked only by faithfulness and love...and hope in a God that sees us all through.